I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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