Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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