Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
