Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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