My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
