You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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