How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
