nut hugger
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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