The maid of honor just puked.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
