also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize
