I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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