I wish you could order shots online.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?