I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.