There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.