I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
be right there i have to get my cape
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?