I bet he comes in French.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
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The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
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I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.