i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
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I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
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Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge