yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?