the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday