i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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