TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
