Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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