dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
