This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
