We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
