I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
