Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
