Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
