we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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