Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
