that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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