Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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