Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
