3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
When did angry sex become our thing?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
