I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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