quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
