Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
