i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
