Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
