I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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