We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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