Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
