just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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