the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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