tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
