I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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