I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
