I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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