so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
