So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
