my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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