Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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