What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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