I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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