Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
