its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
