oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
