Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
