Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
