Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize