She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
only you would photoshop your dick
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
