Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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