Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
No stitches, just platelets and will power
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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