i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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