You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm at about main and main street
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
