batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Im part way to drunk.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
