Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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