you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
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