Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Sacagawea was the original milf.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
