I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
