you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
