Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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