i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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